Another time to 'swallow my medicine' :)

Recently, the pleasure of blogging, writing poems, tumblr-ing etc really gets to me,

I used to have insecurities when I was very young, 

I used to be a victim of a bully in Elementary school,

I was being used to steal money just so I can have goodie goodie stuff.

I was naive,

I didn't understand anything, 

I know you might think I'm a small idiot kid who's really that stupid

But really I admit I'm that stupid according to your stupidity level,

A kid was still growing and trying to fit in,

would use any other method to be part of the gang,

I was being verbally abused,

Rumor starts to spreads like a wildfire about me being a lesbian,

FYI I'm straight.

When I'm being nice to them, they took advantage of my niceness and back-stabbed me like no other,

I went a cycle of hurting myself in my mind,

suicidal thoughts all around,

Insecurities started to boil their way up,

Slightly anti social,

From that onward, I never trust anybody,

I graduated from elementary school,

At the age of 13, I went under depression, stress, mentally self inflicting pain on the mind, suicidal thoughts were all around. 

but slowly, few people were able to break through my barrier and slowly I begin to open to them.

Insecurities were still there,

I maintain normalcy when my parents were around me,

But when I'm alone in my room,
I broke down like floods just destroy whatever is on its path,

As years went by, I warmth up to people, meet new people everyday,

Still my caution barrier was always on no matter what.

At age of 16, I was in a class that every student would just stuck with that cliques, no one invited me to join them, in order not to waste my time in self pitying that I'm not of them, I kept myself occupied by studying,

Although I don't have consistent grades but still I studied like no other.

That's where all the addiction to stick myself in the books and become anti social begins,

After I graduated from high school, 

As I enter college, presently, there's this guy who's a Mr Popular whom was very close to my classmate, at the same time, she's also one of my close friend in high school.

As the months flew by, he broke through caution barrier and at the same time it drives me nuts,

Slowly, we became close friends, but the insecurities of mine were there to stay, 

haunted me throughout my life,

Deeply he kept me grounded when I was about to explode into self inflicting pain mode,

But all humans have limits, I took things for granted and well he let me go,

Now we're not that close anymore, 

Repetitive reflections, 

Entirely it was my fault,

Now, I learnt not to take my loved ones for granted,

They are the reasons they shaped for who I am today,

Continue to appreciate them,

And I will love them till the end no matter what.