Past few days, I've been having weird dreams about him.
Then, as the scene shifted, we're talking to each other face to face after a month.
I keep telling myself I can survive without even seeing him till like forever.
Awesomeness mark for me ONLY IF i can pull it through

But the deep sense of missing him and him in mind lingers.
I'm very confused about myself.
Its painful that came over the fact of what he did because of our close friend ask him to.
Its a slap on the face though.

How much the reason on how I putting him in such difficult position because of me.
How I get embarrassed easily whenever I did something wrong in front him.
Crap, is like all high school crush all over again.
How i will continue to hurt myself even more than ever if I see him.

But the deep sense of losing him is killing me everyday.
It hurts more than seeing him..
He gave up on me..
But I haven't.

It hurts so much I just wanna put my head in the mud like an ostrich when getting scared.

Now, AS is over.
I earned my 5 days rest...
I'll have to go back to college on Tuesday for my A2 lectures...
Sigh...
Yesterday, I have tons of fun with Bern, Shanny, Arthur, Scott who just came back Sarawak..
We watched Breaking Dawn.

Let's be honest here,
It was a nice movie
BUT FUCKING SHIT LITERALLY,
They cut off the sex scene where Edward suppose to break the headboard XP
They cut off the labor scene and where Edward insert his venom into Bella's heart!

It was awkward watching them doing the kissing scene more 3 minutes...
Especially with the guys around..
Now, Puss in Boots and happy feet 2!!!! I want them all! LOL!

Get Out There;: I don't deserve someone like you

Every night before I'm drown into slumberland.
He's on my mind and at the same time, wondering does he ever miss me at all?
I have my reasons why I don't wanna become friends with him
But the heart will definitely said the otherwise and no matter what,
It will always fight its way back up to reveal the truth in your head,

Truly, I really miss him lots,
I miss all the laughs
and excessive sarcasm and insults
Tease and tears,
But now, its already gone.

Chemistry paper in less than 4 hours.
I am in nervous wreck now..
Initially, I wanted to text him hoping that he'll be my listener.
I know the on going of being cold shoulder and etc...
but after listening to Sam Tsui's Start Again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2nun6e2oAc

I'm considering give our friendship of mending up a chance.
After shutting my feelings for so long,
Is gonna be sooner or later, is dead.
Cuz is sooner or later, I'll have to face him..
Bearable? I don't know.
Plus, AS is now almost over in less than 10 days.
Just hope I can bear it. Or else I would have thrash around and start screaming like a banshee.
Since last week, I've been busy studying, suffering from sleep deprivation,etc
Hoping things would turn out better this week,
God, help me get through the wrath of this rough week. :)

Today, having a study group with abby's place with shannon was worth every single hour.
However, I discovered something that really broke my heart literally.
He has never sincerely make the first move to ask how I was
It was because Abby's ask him to.
It was a favour asked by Abby..

Seriously you don't have to talk to me at all,
Its not like I really matters to you
We're no longer friends,
So stop communicating with me,
I don't really care about me getting hurt because what happened to us
I have more things to worry about then our relationship and I don't see you in my life anymore.
I'm giving you a chance not to see my face as a reminder of how I'm putting in such a difficult position
And you don't have to take such a emotional toll on the problems because I'm out of your life.

Last few days have being hectic
Stats exam turns out to be okay I guess
But what past is past
Anyhow, after a ravenous stats exam where the atmosphere in the exam hall nearly choked me out
I manage to have a great time with some friends to the movies..
Unfortunately, I was on a friend's car and suddenly we got into a slight accident
We thank God to be alive but the cars were slight damage, scratch paints and dented bumper.
Crash course.
It is the worse day ever!
Sigh

If you reading this, I'm sorry.

I hasn't being studying for the past 2 days as I have turf toe.
I have been resting, consuming ibuprofen to ease the pain and swelling
With the bandage on, I'm immobile for the moment and my mum was teasing me that I acted like a total klutz!
I even laugh at that statement cuz it is true,
I'm indeed a klutz for the moment.
It will take weeks to heal

When I woke up from my afternoon nap,
I got a text from Mr Popular,
the guy I no longer friends with,
well, the guy I wanna forget very badly,

It was an awkward conversation,
I didn't really bother about it,
beside he knew I don't prepaid lines,
but somehow, I don't know why he even bother to ask
beside I think he knew that is impossible
I ignored the text and totally focusing on healing on my turf toe.
I tried to keep the conversation short
But he rather hear the whole story.
I was hesitating,
Last time, it was my fault that I pushed him away.
And because of the position that I putting him now,
I rather not stay around and trouble him again
But he keep insisting it anyway,
He asked about my exams which I'm like really freaking stressing.
I didn't talk to him since the open house,
Cuz I knew I was invited there but I wasn't in a friendly atmosphere with him.
Naturally, I would let time to drift us apart, so that I won't have to feel the tension from him of putting him in a difficult position.
And when there's moment that our eyes met, a window to his soul showing that there's nothing going between us,
instead he just want to be friends, a clear picture but is impossible because I'm holding on to those feelings.

I would rather stay away from him as far as possible so he won't have to look at me and trigger the tension of me putting him in a difficult position.
Every single chances of staying away and don't want look into those gorgeous dark colour eyes.
I miss those eyes terribly.

Is hurtful for me to fight for it since he's already given up anyway
That's why I entirely let him go, flip the switch off of my memories with him, everything about him.

Since we didn't talk,
he asked how have I been doing these days..
I just cut it the whole conversation short with few words as answers.
He said he'll catch up with me real soon but I'm not looking forward at all
Not at all.

:(